陈欣老师美本留学文书选(CommonApp主文三):好点子也需要有好执行力

遣词造句和个人特色外,留学文书还需要关注的重要方面应该就要数逻辑性了。毕竟,考虑到招生官不大可能在单篇文书上花太长时间(三分钟已经是一个很保险的估计),文书把一个点讲通讲透,让读者能一眼看明白是很有必要的。

在与这篇文书的主人公头脑风暴的过程中,我抓住了一个很有意思的点——执着。围绕这条主线,再把孩子的很多活动串起来就说得通了。

这篇文书的开头是一个双关的疑问句,试图激起读者在两方面的兴趣——想法和行动的二元对立具体怎么体现在孩子的为人处事中,以及辩论赛到底是怎么一回事。文书的后续段落逐一解开了谜团。

留学文书的大忌就是平铺直叙的流水账,也是初写草稿时大家都常犯的毛病之一。在开篇部分,首先一个小的转折是提出点子打破僵局。当然,这个其实只是所谓的red herring,为之后拉赞助遇冷打一个铺垫。如何反思问题、逆袭翻盘的大转折才是这篇文书的重点所在。

CommonApp的主文在整个申请中有提纲挈领的核心地位。在最后一段,我和学员讨论,有意识的“趁胜追击”,把其他一些活动和学校文书里提及的内容也通过排比的方式概写了。这些和“贴在桌上的问题”相互呼应,体现出学员不是“为赋新词强说愁”,而是真正在展现生活中的一个深刻的、与个性特点密不可分的方面。


“Which one is more important, the perfect idea or the indomitable perseverance?” I always have this line pinned to my desk, in China or in America. It was in a regional high school debating contest that I learned the life-changing answer.

It all started with a routine meeting of our school newspaper. People were enthusiastically discussing the upcoming carnival, however most were just trying to suggest minor improvements over past ones due to time and resource constraints. Having been lost in thoughts for a while, I was driven by a sudden impulsion, “We need something new, something groundbreaking! How about a debating contest? From my own model United Nations experience, students would love it!” The room froze for a split second, and slowly all began to clasp their hands hard. I knew I had hit the jackpot.

Things were easier said than done. Our available funds were far from sufficient for the new event, so I had to come up with something in just a few weeks. Without any prior experience, I was forced to resort to soliciting and cold calling. “High school debate, is this a joke?” The campus bookstore manager crushed my hope with a single sentence. Situation was no different for a number of other local businesses. For the first time, we were confronted by the cold reality of society. The morale went all the way to the bottom, and partners already started to propose alternatives.

Yet I would not be defeated so easily. Upon my request, a seasoned marketing specialist, who is Father’s close friend, became our mentor. After a few appointments with him, I realized that I had made so many mistakes. Following his advice, the team worked closely to first develop a ten-page proposal in a matter of days. It includes nearly all aspects of the event, an expanded explanation on the budget, and potential advertising opportunities for our sponsors. Then we took turns to practice our sales pitch, and even attempted to reply to the coldest responses in a positive, humorous manner (“Indeed, fresh from the oven!”). I had done everything I could, but on the day when I received five one-hundred-Yuan bills (and this is not really a large amount) for the first time, I could not believe my eyes.

In the same way, we secured another 4,500 Yuan, which was more than enough to cover the expense. Encouraged by the success, I went on to contact student clubs and administrations of neighboring high schools with my teammates. Eventually, two others, (删去学校名), decided to join us, and we were even permitted to use the state-of-the-art auditorium of the latter as our main venue. Though we had met countless challenges in various stages from scheduling to promotion, willpower and resourcefulness supported the team till the end. Hearing the thunderous applause when I handed the trophy to the top debaters, I felt all previous efforts were compensated in full plus interest.

My desktop motto was the last debate topic, yet I already saw the value of perseverance before the winner was decided. Later on, the very quality would help me attain many feats, like adapting to an entirely new education system, playing a constructive role in local Christian community, founding an International Club from scratch, and more. No longer trapped by the myth of searching for the perfect idea, I shall confidently walk toward my future one step at a time.

重要通知

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发布者

陈 欣

陈 欣

AADPS创始人

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